I wanted to be a FISH!

I Wanted to BE a Fish!

Yup. I did.

When I was a child, swimming underwater- was for me- the bee’s knees.

I was lucky enough to have cousins who had a camp on Lake Ontario, and I spent hours of time submerged.

Underwater, underworld.

Immersed I navigated the seaweed,

sand,

the pull of the tide,

the watery quiet,

and the unique coloration.

I let the tide move me, and sometimes had to fight the current.

I could be with others and be quiet there.

I could be in my body holding my precious breath and be with the water,

becoming lake.

I sat on the bottom, had imaginary tea parties, and swam like a fish.

It was the dark unfamiliar spaces, invisible to the eye, I craved.

The beholding of mystery.

It was not a world I could live in, only visit.

And yet I felt such a well of joyful aliveness.

What I was attracted to then, still lives in me. Even when I am not physically submerged I am drawn to pierce the mystery of what it means to be a soul with a human body.

To have moments of transcending the mundanity that abounds in the society I live in. To not be separate from the more than human world.

To travel beneath, to bathe in what’s not always visible, to dive into the shadows and plumb the depths. To hold it all with awe, reverence, and love.

I had a dream the other night I fell off a cliff, into a big body of water. I was trying to get to shore and the current kept sending me back out. Once I surrendered, the current took me to a dark and mysterious place.

I let myself explore.

I forgot about the familiar shore.

The dream is living in me.

I am not looking for the same old shore anymore. Looking outward and under, imagining, wondering. Recognizing possibility exists in not knowing, not familiar.

Are you searching for the current inside you?

A felt sense of the transcendent heart that abides you?

The one that runs underwater. The mysterious, submerged parts of yourself. They are there waiting for you.

I wanted to be a FISH!

I Wanted to BE a Fish!

Yup. I did.

When I was a child, swimming underwater- was for me- the bee’s knees.

I was lucky enough to have cousins who had a camp on Lake Ontario, and I spent hours of time submerged.

Underwater, underworld.

Immersed I navigated the seaweed,

sand,

the pull of the tide,

the watery quiet,

and the unique coloration.

I let the tide move me, and sometimes had to fight the current.

I could be with others and be quiet there.

I could be in my body holding my precious breath and be with the water,

becoming lake.

I sat on the bottom, had imaginary tea parties, and swam like a fish.

It was the dark unfamiliar spaces, invisible to the eye, I craved.

The beholding of mystery.

It was not a world I could live in, only visit.

And yet I felt such a well of joyful aliveness.

What I was attracted to then, still lives in me. Even when I am not physically submerged I am drawn to pierce the mystery of what it means to be a soul with a human body.

To travel beneath, to bathe in what’s not always visible, to dive into the shadows and plumb the depths. To hold it all with awe, reverence, and love.

I had a dream the other night I fell off a cliff, into a big body of water. I was trying to get to shore and the current kept sending me back out. Once I surrendered, the current took me to a dark and mysterious place.

Are you searching for the current inside you?

A felt sense of the transcendent heart that abides you?

What could past experiences offer you now? Or imaginal experiences?

What’s the school of fish you want to be swimming with?

What are you holding your breath for?

What could emerge if you allowed yourself to go under?

Much love and care your way,

Carol

guidebooks to explore consciousness and reshape culture

I wanted to be a FISH!

I Wanted to BE a Fish!

Yup. I did.

When I was a child, swimming underwater- was for me- the bee’s knees.

I was lucky enough to have cousins who had a camp on Lake Ontario, and I spent hours of time submerged.

Underwater, underworld.

Immersed I navigated the seaweed,

sand,

the pull of the tide,

the watery quiet,

and the unique coloration.

I let the tide move me, and sometimes had to fight the current.

I could be with others and be quiet there.

I could be in my body holding my precious breath and be with the water,

becoming lake.

I sat on the bottom, had imaginary tea parties, and swam like a fish.

It was the dark unfamiliar spaces, invisible to the eye, I craved.

The beholding of mystery.

It was not a world I could live in, only visit.

And yet I felt such a well of joyful aliveness.

What I was attracted to then, still lives in me. Even when I am not physically submerged I am drawn to pierce the mystery of what it means to be a soul with a human body.

To travel beneath, to bathe in what’s not always visible, to dive into the shadows and plumb the depths. To hold it all with awe, reverence, and love.

I had a dream the other night I fell off a cliff, into a big body of water. I was trying to get to shore and the current kept sending me back out. Once I surrendered, the current took me to a dark and mysterious place.

Are you searching for the current inside you?

A felt sense of the transcendent heart that abides you?

What could past experiences offer you now? Or imaginal experiences?

What’s the school of fish you want to be swimming with?

What are you holding your breath for?

What could emerge if you allowed yourself to go under?

​​

Much love and care your way,

Carol