Comfort and Agony
I’m reading and rereading Ross Gay’s, The Book of Delights. I adore his writing. He is a stream of consciousness magician. Mixes whimsy with deep. Evocative with touching. And cultural challenges around race with hope. I highly recommend giving it a read!
This little sliver is
not delightful.
But perhaps if we can
be brave enough
to explore this.
Acknowledge it.
And move forward.
Holding this with a trickle,
or even better, a stream-of
integrity and integration.
Delight will arise
for more people
and the planet.
“Kincaid is genius at eviscerating observations of the powerful. Her work lays bare, among other things, the fact that one’s comfort is often, the way we’ve set it up anyways, on someone else’s agony. This does not delight me. It causes me pain, which is significantly less pain than I am causing someone else simply by turning on the lights. That I cause, literally, in my sleep. This is the point. And I think it probably points us toward a greater, or potentially greater humanity. It is good. The good.” --Ross Gay The Book of Delights
(He is speaking about Jamaica Kincaid's writing. Whose books I’ve read but don’t have at home at this time.)
As I read this page I found a part of me wanting to run, a tightness in my chest, a gnarled ache in my belly, a bit nauseous.
And at the same time a part of me I have cultivated that can stay with it. Sit with what they’ve said. To allow myself to wonder about the truth of the words. The sentiment. How they live here. In me.
I practiced staying with it and all the sensations and feelings that rose.
And in Wonder upRising style--
I consider how to sit with the dichotomy of these topics without driving myself insane.
How to own it’s truth in my bones. Its syrupy cloying texture.
How to let it drip down and live in the unseen spaces.
How to metabolize my shame.
How to stay curious.
How to grieve it.
How to shake and hum and howl a bit.
How to come to a place where I can meet both, comfort and agony, and then allow the deepest knowing in me to rise up and support evolving behavior, and conversations, and questions.
Not negating comfort. Not making it either/or.
To consider how my comfort is someone else's agony is not easy. Or necessarily pleasant.
Is it needed? I think so.
How do I evolve in my life to decrease another being's agony?
Especially right now. With all that is going on.
Anyways---these are the kinds of thoughts that put me to bed at night, and wake me in the morning.
Yup. You don’t need to say a thing. I get it. This is probably not what you want to go to bed with.
And I'm gonna ask...
Want to join me? Explore this question. Take ten minutes to do a short stream of consciousness writing. Add the prompts from Wonder upRising.
Then let it be. Let the getting it up and out--be the spoke that begins to turn the wheel in a fresh direction.
Turn towards what can seem like a hard edge.
And soften it.
Let’s unfurl towards a world that works for all.
Together.
Reshaping culture can come in all colors and sizes.
Facing agony doesn’t have to be a downhill slide.
Like night and day.
Acknowledging and embracing our bright-side and our blindness are both needed.
Rise up! Reshape. Integrate.
With Love,
Carol and Casey
Want to join a weekly group on zoom who explores Wonder upRising together? Noon PST. Email me if you are interested. cae.delmonico@gmail.com